Big, scary things are on the horizon. Conceptualized in September, turned on it's head in January, and put into motion in March. It's a new day. It's a new dawn. It's a new life... for me, and I'm feeling good. Thank you, Nina Simone. Only I'm not as sultry as Nina. And frankly, I'm more than a bit terrified under all this enthusiasm and excitement. But in my heart, I have never felt so sure of something.
In September I decided I was ready to return to the mainland. Bainbridge Island, a tiny yuppy community built up around old farmland just a ferry ride from downtown Seattle. For most of the fall and winter I fantasized about buying an old 1900's farm house on Bainbridge and turning it into a Bed & Breakfast. I wrote a business plan. I stalked the housing market. I researched cryrogenics (sperm banks) and built a life of single parentdom on a small farm in my head, glued together with wishes and dandelion tufts. I sent an addendum to my Christmas letter to about 15 of my closest friends revealing this decision, feeling conversely excited and disappointed that I was not one of the few that could make Hawaii work for them (frustratingly, this feeling of defeat still occasionally chafes me). I had it all planned out. And. Then. January 9th happened.
January 8th my old buddy from college, Erik Fong, sent me an email letting me know he was possibly going to be on Oahu for a few hours. He was vacationing in Maui and wanted to see Pearl Harbor. He thought he might get an hour in Waikiki if i was around. Why not? I hadn't seen Erik in 10 years, and though I thought very highly of him, I thought little of the meeting. I wore no makeup that day and hadn't even the notion that I should even think of having (or not having) expectations.
The next day Erik appeared. His once long hair shorn into a tossled chin-length cut. His smile bright enough to light up the world. WOW. When did this happen? We had only 30 minutes before his tour bus picked him up to take him back to the airport. We both talked a mile a minute- trying to squeeze 10 years of catching up into 30 minutes- the whole time I kept wondering how I'd never noticed how handsome he was. And then, after 25 minutes, the tour bus driver gave him the signal that it was time to go. We had the longest hug goodbye, and at the very last minute, he surprised me with a quick peck on the lips. I was in shock. And then he climbed on the bus drove away.
What had just happened??? Within 20 minutes we were texting. Within 24 hours we were talking on the phone daily. Within a month he was back in Hawaii. Within a month and a half I was second guessing my Bainbridge Island/ single mother plans. And now, a smidge over 3 months later, I am committed to giving Erik, and San Jose (where I have 2, soon to be 3, of my closest girlfriends within an hour), a shot.
Moving isn't a decision I am taking lightly. A few factors helped my decision though:
1- Dating in Hawaii has been pretty pathetic- lots of Peter Pans and Playboys. If Erik wasn't Erik, who I've admired for nearly 13 years, I don't think I would have given him (and a long distance relationship) a second glance. But I've known his kindness, his sensitivity and his goodness for more than a decade. I knew I was already planning on leaving Hawaii. And I knew immediately after feeling the spark between us that this might be a connection worth fighting for.
2- Most of my close Hawaii friends have left the island and I am struggling to replace them. Something that comes with the territory of living in such a transient place. But knowing that doesn't make it easier.
3- My parents are getting older and my Dad is having some health problems. At 3,000 miles away, I'm too far away to be of much help (let alone to get straight answers about his health over the phone).
4- Up until September, it had been 3 years since I had seen my sister & Mom and almost 4 years since I had seen my Dad. No one in my family makes much money, and a $500 plane ticket is a huge expense. Waiting years to see family (who you love and get along with!) is not a decision that I want to live with.
4- The real estate market is heating up and I stand a chance of making some money on my house- maybe enough to allow me to get into the Bay Area housing market- a market even pricier than Hawaii!
5- The longer I am in Hawaii, the more lonely it has become.
So, after much contemplation on top of much drawn out planning (even painting the house in November was a part of the grand scheme to eventually sell it), I hired on a real estate agent and started decluttering my life.
The house went on the market the last week of March. We had our first open house last Sunday, a broker's-only open house on Wednesday, and more than a handful of showings throughout last week. Today is Offer Consideration Day. I know of two offers in hand. At last check, the real estate agent was expecting two more by this morning. By noon today I should have an idea of what the house may sell for. And once we're in contract I'm gonna get to work packing things up. I will likely be out of Hawaii by June 1st. Possibly as soon as May 17th. I'm scared and stressed and feel a bit like I can't breathe. But I am also so excited to start fresh with close girlfriends near by, a quick flight to both mom and dad (less than an hour and a half flight!!!) and close to Erik where we can give this relationship the 'real world' shot it deserves. I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I haven't felt so sure of anything, perhaps ever.
So that's where we're at. I'm so sad at leaving behind the gardens, the fruit trees, the hammock and the chicken that have been my fulfilling projects over the past 3 years... but I am certain that I will use this Urban Homestead project as the template for sketching out my next home. I will take lessons learned and inspirations gleaned to build my next home's outdoor living spaces even more beautiful than this. And for that, I am bursting with excitement and even, as Nina Simone croons, I'm feeling good.
Thanks for reading- I'll keep you posted!
Shay
