Sometimes life flops

Don't be deceived. It only looks good.

So I made some muffins this week. They turned out like a bit of a metaphor for my life this week. F-L-O-P.  The Blueberry Bran muffins were heavy, greasy, fairy tasteless and so full of bran that I've left a stinky, farty skunk trail wafting behind me all day. I so wish I were kidding. When you're in an open office space with only one other person... well, there's not a mystery of who's tootin and you can't exactly blame it on the intern. Christ. So welcome to my week.

What else flopped this week? I spent my whole paycheck before I even received it. Oops. Financial planning flop. I got on the scale at the doctor's and see that I weigh the most I have weighed in 18 years. Not freaking out about it completely... but that's definitely along the lines of health flop. I got the results of my 'employees review the managers' review. And my star employee tells me she forgot to fill it out, leaving my disgruntled, currently-out-on-worker's-comp-for-a-minor-injury-going-on-6-months-now, employee to trash me up, down & sideways as the primary evaluator giving me 'you suck' scores. Management flop. Oh- and, I got dumped. Love life flop. Which is comical and tragic at once. Tragic because there wasn't a single red flag before I got blindsided by his abrupt and finite brake slamming. Comical because it freakin figures. No more online dating for me. Serious. I need to date men that are comfortable interacting in person, not just through heavily edited emails. And I need to date men that have dated enough to know what they want.  But that's another story all together.

So just prior to the getting dumped, I manifested my bedroom with all the feng shui vibes that I have been told will change my romantic future. So either it really DIDN'T work at all... or this last guy was simply another 'not the one' and I now have a fantastically feng shuied 'Why don't cha come up and see me sometime' bedroom waiting for Mr. Right-Enough to visualize himself getting cozy in. Now don't start thinking I did anything too overt. The room got a round mirror (according to friend Christina this is a must for good vibes in the sheets. Not sure why that is, but I don't question her and I put one on the wall), a cleared out closet so Mr. Nearly-Amazing can picture his own clothes hanging next to mine. Two nightstands. Two reading lamps. Clean sheets- like brand new, with no mildew stains because I live on the edge of a rainforest sheets (true story) so Mr. Slightly Flawed Because He's Human doesn't get all grossed out. Notice a pattern here too? I think I need the next man I date to have a few flaws- not red flag flaws, but enough human flaws to keep the relationship humbled and grounded. Maybe that's a more feng shui way to approaching dating too. Probably? Definitely. Now I need to take the feng shui course in how to get the guts to actually make eye contact and talk with random cute men. Any suggestions as to where this course might be published would be appreciated. ;)

So I gotta turn this flop of a week around. Shaking off the boy. Shaking off the muffins. Shaking off the "I have no money" and the sucky review. Shaking off the weight thing too. This is starting to sound like that Mariah Carey song.

So this week will entail baking a good recipe, talking to a cute man in person, and avoiding pulling cash out of the bank. Gonna make it happen. And hopefully I'll smell like roses too.